Yay, Fall!

It hurts to be alive. The air hurts my skin. If my leg itches and I scratch it, that hurts. Breathing hurts.

Fibro hurts, y’all. This sucks.

I Swear it Feels Like Death

This weather. This weather is so fucking terrible. I feel like various parts of me are being crushed in vice grips. The one bad part about being able to block it out most of the time is that when I get a day like this, it surprises me.

The pain today is vicious. I feel like my whole body was encased in ice until I could barely breathe then rushed into heat. Remember that feeling in your hands you get in the snow? That feeling.

Imagine it being that way all over your entire body. It just hurts so much. On top of that I’m getting random shooting pains. In a normal flare (Ha. “Normal.), it’s localized on one part of my body. Today it’s all over. It’s the damned fever aches. Then just for shits and giggles, I have my period today, too. So I’m slightly puffy from that on top of already being puffy from the fibro.

I will say an odd bonus of dealing with both at once is that when split in half, neither seems that terrible. One distracts me from the other. Chop that one up to living my life with ADD that’s unmedicated. Squirrel!

I don’t post all of this for sympathy. My pain doesn’t lessen my life. It’s a horrible inconvenience. At times it becomes more annoying than others. Today is really one of those days. But, I didn’t let it win today. Today was awesome anyway. Fuck you, fibro.

I write this blog for everyone else dealing with this bullshit. Fibro is weird and inconsistent and shitty and annoying and painful and tiring, and there’s just so little information about it out there. I really hope there are people who can google fibro and fine me. I want those people to know they aren’t crazy. The pain isn’t all in your head. There’s a name for it. And that gives you the power to find out more. I hope that this blog can be the place where that happens.

Maybe I ought to write here more often.

Today’s flare: all over, chin to toe. Back hurts. Neck hurts. Hands hurt. Hips really hurt. You get the idea. It’s just neuropathy city here. I’m just a numb machine. And I won’t be numb for nobody but you. I’ve also had really bad insomnia for a day or two. Yay!

Did I mention? Fuck fibro.

Oh, right, I have Fibro.

For the most part this year, my pain has been easily managed. Don’t get me wrong. I certainly have pain. I always have pain. But I’m learning to tolerate it better.

For the most part.

Then days like today happen. I feel like there are electrodes attached to approximately 200 points on my body and I’m being slowly but consistently shocked.

It’s low voltage.

But holy shit. It is really fucking there right now. Thinking I’m infallible isn’t something that normally happens, but when I have a day like today I am strongly reminded that I am most certainly not.

It’s like a few times a year every single part of me that can flare does all at once. It’s been building up for a few days. Yesterday it was my ribs. First a “zap” on the left. Then a “zap” on the right. It comes and goes on its own terms and it doesn’t include me when announcing its plans. I’ve been having trouble sleeping but wasn’t sure why. My body has reminded me why.

It’s good to have reminders. It keeps me honest. It slows me down.

Most of all it is part of what makes up the incredibly difficult puzzle that is Nix.

It’s the Mossssttt Terrible Timeeeeeeeeeee of the Yearrrrrrrr

Everything hurts. I have heartburn that’s making me feel like there’s another appendix that needs to be removed. Plus I have allergies from hell.

Things have felt better.

Ugh.

Dear fall: I hate you.

Between the weird humidity, air pressure changes, and my allergies, my body is REALLY trying to kill me. I’ve been on a whole-body flare for a few days now. I haven’t taken any pain meds today because I’m dealing with an unrelated stomach thing.

Right now the pain list includes my neck, my hips, my feet, both hands, most of my fingers, my sinuses…I think that’s it. That’s more than enough.

Going back both here and facebook shows me that this time of year is always a bit rough for me. It’s interesting to compare the different ways I coped with or mitigated the pain. This year I’m down to only one of my meds to help with pain and some antihistamines to help keep my allergies in check since they are the triggers for many flares. I haven’t been running in a while but it’s frequent enough that I can actually still run on the rare occasion I try.

Honestly I think I’ve just learned to ignore it. It’s no wonder I’m tired all the time.

Fall flare season 2017! Woo!

Ugh. The flares have started. My hips have been flaring for a few days now. It’s creeping towards my pelvis. SO MUCH FUN YAY. My left hand is starting to be a jerk and hurt. My left wrist hurts every time it rains right now.

And people wonder why I am not excited about fall being here.

The flare care hangover

So RIGHT at midnight I had a flare. It actually started on a real injury I’ve got right now and radiated out from there. So at midnight I had to take pain meds.

When that alarm went off at 5:45 this morning, to say I was out of it is the understatement of the century. It took me a full five minutes to even realize today isn’t a weekend day.

It’s just so frustrating sometimes. Now I hurt almost as much but I’m just as groggy as I was when the alarm went off. Lose lose.

Flares and Air Conditioning

So we’re now in the hot times. Maryland spring is usually approximately 3 and 1/2 minutes. Sometimes we get 5 minutes.

Anyway we’re using AC now.

I’ve been flaring for like a week. Maybe longer. I’ve been taking a hell of a lot of ibuprofen. The AC hurts, y’all. Plus it makes all of the items in a room where AC is running cold, and those all hurt.

This is really not fun. Touching anything that’s not fabric hurts.

My life hurts right now.

More fake spring? Really? Fuck off.

Two days ago I got slammed with the worst flare I’ve had in about 6 months. EVERYTHING hurts, y’all. I’m not even kidding. My ass hurts where it touches the couch where I’m sitting. The bottoms of my feet hurt where they’re leaning on the table. You get the idea. Yesterday was better, I was able to move around almost normal speed, although my left hip was still trying to keep me from walking all day. But today?

Today hurts. Today hurts so bad. I haven’t been mobile for more than about 5 minutes at a time all day. We were supposed to go out tonight but that’s not gonna happen.

Looking at the posts I made in the previous years and apparently it’s really just something about this time of year.

Fuck this time of year.

Eat a dick, fake spring.

So here in Maryland we’re experiencing this strange “false” spring. We had a big snowstorm recently, and yesterday began a temporary upswing in temperature. It brought rain with it today.

That triggered my big spring flare. The big shift in temperature along with high humidity every spring brings about my biggest, most painful flare of the year. And now, because of this false spring, I’ve started flaring. HARD.

The best part about it? When we actually DO get spring?

I’ll go through all of this a second time.