I Swear it Feels Like Death

This weather. This weather is so fucking terrible. I feel like various parts of me are being crushed in vice grips. The one bad part about being able to block it out most of the time is that when I get a day like this, it surprises me.

The pain today is vicious. I feel like my whole body was encased in ice until I could barely breathe then rushed into heat. Remember that feeling in your hands you get in the snow? That feeling.

Imagine it being that way all over your entire body. It just hurts so much. On top of that I’m getting random shooting pains. In a normal flare (Ha. “Normal.), it’s localized on one part of my body. Today it’s all over. It’s the damned fever aches. Then just for shits and giggles, I have my period today, too. So I’m slightly puffy from that on top of already being puffy from the fibro.

I will say an odd bonus of dealing with both at once is that when split in half, neither seems that terrible. One distracts me from the other. Chop that one up to living my life with ADD that’s unmedicated. Squirrel!

I don’t post all of this for sympathy. My pain doesn’t lessen my life. It’s a horrible inconvenience. At times it becomes more annoying than others. Today is really one of those days. But, I didn’t let it win today. Today was awesome anyway. Fuck you, fibro.

I write this blog for everyone else dealing with this bullshit. Fibro is weird and inconsistent and shitty and annoying and painful and tiring, and there’s just so little information about it out there. I really hope there are people who can google fibro and fine me. I want those people to know they aren’t crazy. The pain isn’t all in your head. There’s a name for it. And that gives you the power to find out more. I hope that this blog can be the place where that happens.

Maybe I ought to write here more often.

Today’s flare: all over, chin to toe. Back hurts. Neck hurts. Hands hurt. Hips really hurt. You get the idea. It’s just neuropathy city here. I’m just a numb machine. And I won’t be numb for nobody but you. I’ve also had really bad insomnia for a day or two. Yay!

Did I mention? Fuck fibro.