How I feel this morning.

Right now, I feel (and admit to feeling) something that I rarely ever do. Right now I’m very angry with/unhappy at my body. Right now I’m feeling sorry for myself. I just spent almost 7 hours on my feel (in heels) for the first time in almost 5 years. I would have to eat something to take my pills. I don’t want to eat. I want to just get in bed and go to sleep, but if I do that I know that I’ll wake up tomorrow in even more pain than I’m already in. I didn’t know what to expect today and I pushed myself too hard because of it and I’m hurting bad enough that even with pills I’d not want to do anything tomorrow. Right now I want a normal body with normal nerves and normal joints and normal feet. I want to have a normal night’s sleep without having to go through special things. Right now I want my second day at my new job to be positive and I want to go there and offer everything I can. I don’t want them to know that today hurt me as bad as it did.

Right now I wish I wasn’t me. I know that I don’t genuinely mean that, and it makes me [more] sad that I’m feeling this way. I’m one of the biggest pushers of “Love Thyself,” but right now I’m being a hypocrite. That’s the one thing I hate the most. OK that’s not true, I hate liars more. So right now I’m being the thing I hate second most.